The First Noel
by The13thPlaceboEffect
Summary: Emma introduces Regina to the legend of Santa Claus, and Regina overreacts just a little. (I wrote this while drunk, and that's my excuse for this.)


"_He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake-"_

Emma couldn't remember what spices Regina told her to add to the stuffing, so she was just adding random powders from the spice cabinet, hoping that the end result was palatable.

"Are you singing that creepy Police song again?" Regina rounded the corner with the turkey that was pre-seasoned for the next day's festivities.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, that song 'Every breath you take, I'll be watching you.' What kind of person finds that romantic anyways?"

Emma shrugged. "Right… anyways, it's Santa Claus is coming to town."

"Who?"

"Oh you know, Santa. Big fat guy in a red velvet suit? Saint Nicolas? Father Christmas" Regina just continued to look puzzled as Emma rattled off the man's pseudonyms. "You've never heard of Santa Claus?"

Regina shook her head and placed the turkey on the counter. "No, sorry dear, I think he's from your world, not mine."

"So you didn't have Christmas in your land?" The brunette shook her head again.

"The whole 'Christ' thing is all you."

Emma dropped her shoulders in dismay. "Still, you've been here, what, now thirty years and you've never heard of Santa?"

Regina scrunched her face up in earnest contemplation. "No, doesn't ring any bells. Why don't you enlighten me."

Emma straightened her back and started to pace the kitchen. "Santa Claus is the bringer of gifts." Regina held up a finger to stop Emma.

"Don't presents come from the children's parents? I know no presents have magically appeared under the tree for Henry."

"Do you want to hear the story?" Emma crossed her arms, annoyed at being interrupted.

"Yes, I'm sorry. Continue." Regina sat on a barstool chair and crossed her legs.

"Anyways… Santa Claus has a list of naughty and nice children, and every year he brings the good children the presents that they asked for in their letters, and the naughty kids get coal. He watches over all the children of the world all year long, and basically decides who was good and who was bad."

Regina arched an eyebrow. "That seems pretty black and white."

The blonde huffed at Regina's constant need to provide commentary. "Yeah well, that's how it works. ANYWAYS, after deciding who was good and who was bad, he travels the world in a night, on a sleigh pulled by 9 reindeer, and delivers presents to all the good girls and boys. You're supposed to put out milk and cookies for him, and he comes down the chimney, eats the milk and cookies, and leaves presents! God Regina, have you never seen a Christmas movie?"

Regina tilted her head. "Well, none with this Santa character you speak of. That sounds terrifying! He watches our children all year, breaks into your house, and leaves things? And they called _me_ evil…"

Emma walked over to where Regina had set down the turkey and put it in the fridge to stay overnight. "It's a story Regina, it's something you tell children to make them behave." Emma stopped and thought for a moment. "Well, in this world, you guys are stories too. Who knows, maybe Santa is real." The blonde made her way to the stairs with a laugh. "You coming to bed?"

Regina turned and glared at the chimney. "Yes, yes, I'll be up in a moment."

Emma shrugged and made her way up the stairs, flicking off the lights in the hall as she walked. Climbing into bed, she fell asleep waiting to hear Regina come up the stairs.

* * *

><p>Emma came down the stairs the next morning bleary eyed and craving caffeine as she always is. The bed beside her was empty when she awoke as it often is, as Regina likes to get an early start on the day.<p>

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she descended the stairs, Emma nearly face planted down the remaining steps as she saw Regina with dark circles under her eyes, unwavering focus, and a fireball poised to be hurled at the fireplace.

"Um Regina… what are you doing?"

"Waiting for the home intruder." Regina replied quickly, not blinking.

"What?" Emma walked behind Regina and put a hand on her shoulder.

"If that Santa Claus thinks he can walk into _my_ house, eat _my_ food, and just leave things lying around, he's got another thing coming." The brunette twitched on the floor, either from mania or exhaustion, Emma wasn't sure.

"Regina, Regina come on." Emma took a firmer hold on Regina's shoulder and pulled her from the ground, her fireball extinguishing in defeat as she stood."

"Santa is just a story alright. I guess I shouldn't have said that last part about him maybe being real, but he isn't okay? He's just a story we tell kids to keep them in line. After about six years of not getting anything from Santa, you kind of learn he's not real."

Regina snapped out of what could only be described as a daze. "So there isn't a fat man in a velvet suit coming down our chimney?"

Emma chuckled. "If there was, it's more likely to be one of the dwarves after a few too many than a mythical man who can travel the globe in a night." She put her arms around Regina in a comforting embrace. "You go wake Henry, and get some rest."

Regina turned to face the taller woman. "What about the meal?"

"I think I can handle putting it in the oven." Emma placed a light kiss on Regina's nose before playfully shoving her towards the stairs.

"Rest!"

* * *

><p>The reindeers all tilted their head in confusion when they saw Santa walking out the front door of the mansion.<p>

"Oh don't worry, there was just some psycho aiming a fireball at the chimney all night! I guess she missed the 'he knows when you're awake' part!" The large man let out a deep, throaty laugh.

"Alright, let's go home!" He boarded the sleigh and took the reins in his hands. "On Dasher, On Dasher, On Prancer, On Vixen!

Santa Claus' sleigh ascended into the sky, until it was nothing more than a speck.

Until next year…

**THE END**


End file.
